2011 February

[Lestat de Lioncourt]

February 1-26

At February 1st Louis tried to make me smile, but I was still miserable...
Louis found me in the garden and decided to scare me. Suddenly appeared next to me and whispered:
- Money or life?- he tightly held my neck as wanted to break it.
I started to scream and cry:
- NO!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME GO!!! Please!!!!!- I trembled so scared that tears flowed down cheeks and heart beat so fast.
- Hey, little girl, don't pee in your pants.- he let me go and laughed loudly.
I breathed fast some minutes to took breath again and looked shaking at Louis:
- Don't do that... I could lose consciousness....
- Why? Non vampire dead from heart attack. So and you won't be. Come on don't be so spoiled and little baby.
I looked at him cold and without emotions:
- You are right. I won't. But still don't scare me, I'm very sensitive these days...- I acted with him like with plain vampire who doesn't mean anything to me.- So what do you need from me? Can I help? Money? Car?
- Hey, hey.- he stepped back as felt my bad emotion.- I just wanted say "HI", but I see that's better if I disappear from here until you eat me for dinner.- he turned and slowly walked.- Old geek.
- It would be good if I COULD eat you, but since I can't... Oh well... Just want ask if someone needs something and you get cursed in all languages. Nice.- I talked with myself.


At January 4th was Nicky‘s birthday. Isabella gave to him Egyptian sarcophagus for books, like shelve.
- So we have party tonight.- Isabella came to me.
- Why party? oAHHHHH Nicky.- I giggled.
- Yep. Our Paganinni.- she smiled.
I sighed:
- I don't know where he is.... I miss him so much...- I pouted and barely could talk.
- He'll back... and play to us as only he can.
I turned from her:
- I don't think he will come back. He is so mad at me, so sad, so lost... I hurt him too much...
-I think I hurt him even more..
I shook head:
- No, you didn't anything to him. I was the only one debaucheed here... He just loves me too much and my bisexual personality is very different than his...
- He‘ll come back... I have sense for such things. I still remember him playing in his room..I almost died there, emotions took up...
- Don't let his music to control you. It is very powerful music he plays. I think his power is his music. You can feel happy, you can feel sad, you can even kill yourselvf listening to his songs... Be careful. First we must explore his "power"
She agreed and moved chin down. I gently hugged her:
- Be careful. I love you so much and I don't want that you would die in his music. Sometimes I can't handle his palying and start to yell at him to stop.... You should do that too.
- I'm sorry, Master.- she shivered in my arms.- I'm week..
I fondled her back:
- Shhhh... Just stay a little away when he plays. If you feel bad next to him, just run to me... Only I can "deactivate" him.
Isabella smiled a little, but still scared:
- OK
I kissed her cheek:
- Now better go to find something for him. I won't buy any present. I just give me to him...
- That's a present.....hm, but I don't know what.. Maybe something stylish or magical?
- I think you can find something for him.- I smiled a little.- He is so gentle and sensitive... Maybe something cute?
- Jewelery box and miniature violin?- she smiled.- Yep, I thought about it for weeks, for how to return his love.
- It can be. But his room will be crowded with violins.- I laughed.-Better something fluffy, cute, soft and big.
- Me in chicken suite.- she started to laugh even more.- Nah, I can show you what I'd like to gift him.
I laughed:
- Better show me what you have. Chicken is not good.
- Well it's not furry, but nice and practical, and big .


Next day I felt lonely and forgot...
I came back home drunk and lost all hope. Mumbled something walking:
- Stupid life...No love for me anymore...- I hung on door sighs "DO NOT DISTURB" and locked in room to be alone for some days.
Isabella left a note under my door and ran as fast as she could far away from House:
- I know where you've been... I know what you both spoke about me...You should stay here and find Nicholas, he will forgive you. As for me...I'm gone. It's for the best, Lestat...
Your loving Daughter..................Isabella
I found her letter and reads it. Got shocked and felt even more bad. Opened door with trembling hands:
- No... not you too.... Don't leave alone....- I ran to hallway, but nothing was in it.


I got so sad and shocked that I decided to go for a vacation in my private island in Indonesia. So I wrote letter to all my friends and family.
As I'm very hurt by three of you, I bought my new mansion in Tanimbar Islands, Indonesia. It is private island. So if you want to visit me, you need permision. I'm gone maybe for some days, maybe weeks... or months... years.... I don't know... I leave my Sang Eternel mansion for Lujis control. Take care of it, Luji. I will come back to France when my pain reduce.... I lost my most beloved persons, so I must live alone for a while....

Yours, Lestatas






At February 5th I was Indonesia, alone in all island, no people, no nothing, just sea, sand, my new home and birds singing.
I was sitting next to his swimming pool and watched stars, heard tropical insects singing around and old book laid on knees. Thoughts were still full of many things. But after some time I would forget everything and came back new stone, without emotions.
But not so long time ago, the same day, I got visitor.
I laid in bed hearing ocean sounds and felt so calm, but mind was still so confused and messed up. Closed eyes and thought about Isabella, about her soft skin and silky hair. But it made me feel pain, I hugged pillow and started to cry as loud as I could bitting poor pillow.
Isabella breathed and appeared in my room like ghost-like creature, whispered from shadows in her new appearance:
- Lestat... Lestat...
I heard very known voice and screamed:
- GHOST!!!! I'M GOING MAD!!!!!!!!!- I cried even more harder and threw pillow at her, put hands on ears and shook crying like gone completely mad.
Pillow went through her body:
- Lestat it's me...I came to you, I saw you crying and coudn't bare it, My dark Prince... Maybe my hair red and I'm not with my body, but I'm here..- she whspered.
I took a look at that ghost and bloody tears flowed down cheeks, all body shivered from pain coming out of body:
- Isabella?- I took a little closer to her ghost.- Why?... Why did you come?- I fell on bed so weak and cried screaming loud like always wanted to do.
- I couldn't do it with my body, so at least I came here this way...I couldn't watch you like this. Why you cry because of me? I thought I do the right thing.- she saw that I did what promised her-screamed, but didn't hurt myself..-Oh Lestat, my love.
I burried face into pillow and screamed, screamed, screamed... Couldn‘t stop screaming and crying because felt so sad like never before and wanted that pain to stop. Isabella sat closer to me. Wanted to touch my hair, but hand went through:
- Scream, my Love, let it go..
I couldn‘t feel her hand going through my hair and screamed, but pain didn't reduce. It got even more harder and more hurting.
- Lestat, why you cry because of me...I'm nothing...
I took head from pillow which was all red from tears:
- Because I love you like Nicky, Louis, Marius... I love you all not like father!!!!!!!!!!
- Love? You really do? But you mean to be With Nicholas..I interfere you both, you can't be happy because of me, that's why I run..
- I LOVE YOU ALL. Nicky, you, Louis... I must find way to love you all... It's so hard to love you all... it's so hard....- I burried head again to pillow again and cried.
- Now I see you really feel it..Oh Lestat.- she leaned closer.- If you would say that I'm yours, no matter what Elders say I'd run back begging of your Love.- she leaned closer and gave me cool kiss.
I couldn‘t feel her kiss, but lifted up head and looked at her:
- How can I say what it is in my heart when Nicky hates me? I would do anything to bring you both back to my life. As you see I lost Louis forever in that girl's arms. I can't lose you or Nicky.
- Say that you love...and we both will bring back Nicholas home, My Love...Oh, how I miss your lips.I'd fly to you..this night, if you would let me, Love.
- Anyone can come to me... Even you.... I need you and Nicky... I am too lonely here, no humans around here.- I hugged pillow and cried.
- Good. Then I want to ask you one thing...Do you love me as woman, or you like just to fuck me? After this I'll run to airport and fly here, in blink of the an eye..What will you answer?
I looked at her trembling:
- And what if I love you like woman? What will be?- I sighed and touched bloody eyes.- Fucking isn't everything to me... It's something else in you...
I love you Lestat, wait for me..- she vanished.

Next day she was Indonesia with me. Alone at last. She gave me a necklace which I never take off.



We spent Valentine‘s day at Indonesia too, in warm and sexy bath... Ahhh... I fell more and more in love with her. I felt something inside me that I needed to guard her, to care about her, like having fragile toy which I loved than anything in the world.
But... I again went mad and cut my wrists, my beloved Isabella pushed knife to her belely, I couldn‘t help her, was so weak and it was more than tragedy. No one could help us... Luckily I saved her and myself, after that we came home. Just one thing was bad foru s... I was afraid of sperm... So at February 22th she called doctor Rochester to heal me. Hell, it was suffering, that doctor is more than pervert, h eis ALWAYS hungry for sex, and he made me drink my own sperm, to stop be afraid of it. Well, it healed me at least, so I could again love my Isabella.


At February 24th Louis visited me again.

- Why does this vampire look so strictly? Did someone do something again?- Louis sincerely worried about me.
- Not to me, I did to other....- I looked at Louis tired, but inside felt joy seeing him.
- How are you, my friend? I was do busy these days, feel guilty that didn't come say HI to you.
- I..I...am kinda good and calm. Indonesia changed me a little.- I hugged Louis trembling.- But I miss you so much...
- I miss you too.- he stroked my back.- Maybe I can help somehow?
- Do you think I need help?- my all body trembled.- Do you think YOU can help me? I... am just trying to live peacefully and stay away from troubles.
- And you do it very good, I admire you. After all these years you became wise, I was waiting for this day.- he smiled friendly, wanted to encourage me.- I believe that my wife will say the same. We both were worried about you. We were plaining to fly to visit you.- he placed his hand on my shoulder.- Maybe you saw Bella?
I touched Louis hair:
- I wasn't alone in that island...I had one I love- Isabella with me. And we came back home together.- I showed him necklace.- Look. This is her gift. And... that's why she locked in her room- she didn't understand my words.
- Sweet.- he smiled happily because I was with her.- What happened? What she didn't understand? Come on talk to me, maybe I will can help you somehow.
- Just... like always she blames herself for my ruined wedding.- I sighed.- I don't blame anything, not even myself. I just found another one who gives me love....- I giggled a little.- Sometimes even too much.
- Well, women like to blame herselves. But...- he sat on the chair and looked at me warmly.-... but they want that we wouldn't stop to tell them that it's not them guilty, that is was the best. And now we are happy. Just need to be more patient and gentle.- he laughed slightly.- It's very confusing. And always is a little drama. Women like to do everything more harder than it should be.- he grined.- I'm glad that my wife is little bit different from other women. I'm very happy to have her.
- All truth from your mouth. But I am tired to repeat her that she isn't guilty...- I crouched sitting on sofa.- Do you think I went too far with her? I am still lost in that feeling and still feel that everybody lie that she charmed me...
- Tell me, are you happy with her, wanna see her by yourside, wanna hold her hand and reapet stupid sentimental things?- he seriously asked me.
- Yes...- I nodded.- But... I must marry that madman to make him happy... I must act him love... not to hurt him. Isabella is...- I lost words.
- Is what?
- I should keep that inside my heart...- I sighed and blushed.- Better help that actor in front of you to make good perfomance to Nicky.
-Lestat, forget everything, close that book and take other where is only you and she.- he smiled.- Give me reason to congratulate you in the future.
- Ha! That is not so easy. If I will chose one- I will lose another. Maybe I can save both.- me eyes couldn‘t find point to look.- This double game can take both of them from me...
- Then stop playing and choose one until it too late. Such games never end happily.
- But how to tell Nicky? I will hurt him...
- I don't.- he looked down.-I haven't right time to talk with him. He is mystery for me. Only you know how to tell it to him.
- I also think he is mistery.... And you know I will lose courage to tell him... He will get really sad and he can even commit suicide...
- One or other way one person will be hurt more. Now you are hurting them both and yourself too. Be brave and fight for your happiness.
- I will try, Louis... Better to kill his happiness than all life, right? It will be hard but I will try...- I came to Louis and hugged him again.- I saw how unhappy you were... but you are strong not weak like he.
- We all are strong just don't wanna admit it.- he hugged me tightly.- He will survive.
I wanted to kiss him, but stopped:
- Ohh.... I can imagine how many nights I will cry for him... poor Nicky...
- Be strong.- he brushed his hair.- She needs you. I have talked with her.
- You did?- I got scared a little.- I bet she isn't very mad of my words...

Well, I tried to write a letter to him...
I started to write letter to Nicky...
"Nicky, I must...." Nooo... "Nicky, you see... me and you... " Nooo... "Nicky, you should know..." Why it is so hard? "Nicky, I love you like loved, but.... "
I started to cry and threw that letter to rubbish bin.
So, after that I left Nicky... I put my ring on table, and he did the same. He knew I will do that, but cried so hard, that I couldn‘t bare and started to yell at him. He ran away from home to hotel. And didn‘t come back for some weeks. I felt even more bad, and Isabella started to blame her for that.


I felt stupid. So I made a little Black Humor, just nobody understood me.... I put old suit from laboratory and took bottle of Ethanol.



- Lestat you need to stop this insanity right now!!!- Nicky was scared, but I laughed inside.
- You like strong alcohol...but I didn't know you will go so far.- Isabella worried.
- Well... I found this bottle in cellar and thought what to do... Now I know... Burn or drink, but it's very useful...- I nodded smiling at bottle.
Mia Nisha Runninghorse was speechless:
- Brother?
- From that bottle or my costume?
- Both. Don't you dare kill yourself.- Mia worried too.
I tries to hold laughing:
- I won't... maybe....maybe not.
- Don't you dare.- Mia yealled at me.
- I dared many time ago.... It was kinda.... scary...
Mia Nisha Runninghorse snatched bottle of my hands/
- Hey....- I pouted.- It was nice bottle....
- Just to be on the safe side, brother.- Mia whispered to herself like she need me gone.
I pouted even more:
- I thought that bottle was Chernobyl times....
- Not on my time for as long as I live.- Mia hissed.
- Hell, but I looked like from Chernobyl.- I started to laugh.
- Radioactivevamp.- Isabella giggled.
I laughed even more:
- That word is good.
- Check it in the dictionary.- Isabella said.
- Brother, you're getting mad....- Eleni hugged me.- Don't do silly things...
- Don't I look silly and act silly?
Louis Rouge Foncé laughed hysterically:
- They finally sent you to Mars!
- With ethanol.- I laughed harder.-I also have photo on moon.
Louis Rouge Foncé shook head still laughing:
- However did you get to the moon? Lestat, you amaze me, your thirst for life is beyond that of anyone I have ever met.


I thought:
- I think I was...maybe... I can't remember many things, but I was on moon.
Louis Rouge Foncé laughed softly:
- You look good, my friend. Let me know the next time you are going away and I may join you- he winked.
I laughed:
- Maybe next time I will fly to Saturn. These rings are so pretty......- I started to dream.- I bet I won't need oxygen...
- We all can bet that, dear brother...- Eleni said.


At February 26th I took Isabella to Marius. Well, Marius is still like my father, the elder and the one I need blessing, so I went to him, but...our talking went very cold. Poor Isabella got scared and cried all night at home after Marius „cold attack“.

I came back from Marius with scared and shaking Isabella, sat her on bed and hugged:
- Calm down, love... He just needs time to understand our love... You see how nice I was, I don't want to make him angry....