Broken Angel

[Lestat de Lioncourt]

Broken Angel

Old forest... Old like my soul. I stop in middle of it, look at the sky. I want to scream: help me! But I don't do that. Even tears are washing my cheeks, I'm still strong. My soul is looking for something to relax, for something to stop breaking into pieces. And just silent sounds of wind and birds are singing silent song of sadness. And this sadness talks with my lips: I'm not bad, I'm just scared and lost... I need to find way from this misery... So many questions again spin in my head. I can't believe why everyone hates me so much? Why they all think I'm lazy, bad, insane and stupid? I'm not guilty if I became insane, they all made me this way!

And again no love, no gentleness... I hug cold and dead tree, I cry until my scream scares all animals and birds. No living creatures can handle me. I'm damned forever to cry in loneliness, damned forever to bare all hurting words which exist in this world. But for what I deserve such curses? For what...? Because I search for calmness and happiness in this world? Because I found little happy place in darkness? Yes... But I hate this world. It scares me, it makes me hide in shadows and cry. I don't want this materialistic life, I want to stay in nature, to listen to bird singing and don't think about money, stress and all evil things people created. And everyone wants to add me to that hell. But I'm weak.... I'm so weak and can't run away from my offenders. They injected nails into my skin use me like doll. But this doll has feelings and heart. It want to be free like a bird. But it's too weak to fight. The doll needs only love and carrying, and without that it dies. Slowly, silently and without sound.

I can handle physical pain, but not spiritual, because I can't reduce it. There is no medicine from spiritual pain. You can cry until you lose consciousness, but it won't help. Tears always run off when you need them. Some say that you aren't lonely, you have loneliness. Such words tear my heart apart. This is worst company than offenders. And no one can help me. I'm just another broken angel, but I still didn't lose my wings. I still can show my feelings in other ways. But no matter what, it's so hard to stand up and fight. I can't fight, I just need to be loved and find calmness in chaos. But people are cruel, they would never help to lost soul... That's why I live in darkness. And if you can't fight this darkness, you must love it. Just look at night- everybody is sleeping, so calm, so safe... Million stars show you that somewhere is soul who searches for you. Maybe that soul will save, maybe it will show you right way when you are lost. And now I'm lost, alone and hurt.

I need to find my port of calmness...